collective body building with esmat
marbles 1, 2016, chelsea college of arts, documentation
we are presenting our research,
five minutes theory,
five minutes practice,
five minutes discussion,
two teachers are present,
one of them holding a stop watch
people take turns,
i am the last one of the day
i place my phone on the table
it is playing like an angel passing through my room by abba
i get up and open the window,
i pour two jars of golden marbles into the streets
and try to make myself sick
(the entrance gates of tate modern are watching)
i had eaten plenty of food for lunch,
nothing would come out
i hear one of my teachers say
darius, i don't like this, please stop
i cannot stop, i continue
my teacher is now behind me, one hand on my back
please stop
i am not stopping
once i feel like it is over i get back to my seat,
i stop the music, take a moment, then look up
how much time have i got left?
i attempt to articulate my research
we have a discussion
in the evening i send an email to my teachers,
i am apologising
among my teachers' responses is a link for student services,
making sure i know there is mental health support
marbles 2, 2017, chelsea college of arts, documentation