rope play/bdsm

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4 years ago i went to a bar in nyc where they had a bondage evening. the venue had the usual dark corners and chains on the wall but something was different to nights in an ordinary sex club. there was a stage, lighting, and people (one at a time) being tied up by 2-3 other men. nobody performed the dark energy master and sub seriousness that i expected. people had fun, they were laughing and joking. many turned into humble creatures when the rope master of the place, an older not so fit and not so attractive asian man, walked past. they knew what he was capable of.

i surrender to the dominant energies of sex clubs, the chasing of the big dicks, the fit bodies and the handsome faces. that night i was happy to see that there were spaces where people are chasing and kneeling in front of ----ba ba bammmm-- the skills.

i went home. i managed to have some nice chats with people. what i was not ready for was the light+fun attitude people were playing with. my idea of bondage as a dark and serious play was still shaped not by experiences but assumptions. 

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one year ago i started to get into rope play. i did a two day workshop on the basics of binding (@anatomiestudiolondon - they were great), went to a rope jam in the same venue, attended a workshop evening in berlin and another rope jam in brussels. i am very thankful for the lovers that took me along, one of them being a witch, the other a shaman. they taught me the importance of communication, ritual and play. 

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to this day i do not have the experience or patience/practice it takes to work with suspension or other serious practices. i enjoy the simple play on the floor. there are oceans of experiences that are possible just in this framework and surprise surprise, none of them require nudity, erection and penetration.

it is the conversation between two people, the high i get by surrendering to being moved, tied and held, the gratitude i feel towards myself for daring to take responsibility for tying another body, the tapping into the unexpected and unknown. it feels radical and therapeutic. and most probably it really is ;)

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i admire rope jams as social spaces. it is ok to just sit on the side and watch. people are sober. chitchat is kept to a minimum. people agreed to a code of conduct. there are people holding the space, making sure it is a safe space. they seem to be sex positive in the sense that 'having sex' is an option (even though whenever i went, nobody took things down this road - not because people seem shy, but because they seemed to be too busy having fun in other ways).

i am hopeful that rope jams will queer up over time. 'the man' tying up 'the woman' is only one of all the spicy ingredient, no?

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most rope jams are advertised online (fetlife, etc). if you have any questions or would like to have a session with me, get in touch.

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stay safe. xx

p.s. consent is key!